Friday 19 March 2021

David Davis Schools The Scottish COPFS And Humiliates PF’s

In an interview with The Spectator’s Andrew Neil yesterday (link at the bottom of this page), David Davis MP completely humiliated the cocky and arrogant Scottish Crown Office & Procurator Fiscal Service…again.

I say ‘again’ because on Tuesday Mr Davis got right ripped in to the COPFS in his speech in the Westminster Parliament. 

In yesterdays interview David Davis doubled-down on his criticism of the behaviour of the Crown Office. He berated them for trying to stretch their powers to the limit. He spoke about how they seem to think they they can go around badgering journalists, lawyers, even Holyrood committees(!) telling them they can’t summon this, they can’t do that, they can’t publish this, they won't allow that etc.

Mr Davis made it clear to the COPFS in no uncertain terms that they are not a court, they are a prosecuting service.

Know your place Lord Advocate. 


In fact he kicked the Lord Advocate and the COPFS so hard in the nether regions, their Kelvin Halls are now firmly stuck somewhere near the back of their throat and their eyes are watering so much the River Clyde has risen two inches (and it hasn’t even been raining). 

So what brought all this on? Why did David Davis feel he had to stand up and slap down the Lord Advocate and his motley crew of half-wits in the Crown Office yet again?

Well, it turns out that after annihilating the COPFS in his speech to Parliament on Tuesday, the Lord Advocate and his merry bunch of losers were so butt-hurt and enraged that they decided to beat the war drums and let it be known that they were now considering launching an investigation in to David Davis. 

They let it be known they intended going after him for the unkind things he said about them. How dare he!

So how did David Davis respond to this threat from the mighty Crown Office & Procurator Fiscal Service? 

Did he bow, scrape, and apologise to the COPFS? 

Did he panic and rush to hire a good QC? 

Did he agree to voluntarily turn himself in to the first police station north of Hadrians Wall?


He laughed at them.

That’s right folks. He laughed at them and told them to go read their law books. 

Because as a member of the UK Parliament, David Davis (and all MP’s) have a wee thing called ‘Parliamentary Privilege’. 

Parliamentary Privilege is enshrined in law. It allows any MP to say whatever the hell he wants about the COPFS (or anybody and anything else for that matter) within the walls of the Westminster Parliament. 

Parliamentary Privilege allows all MP’s to speak freely in House of Commons without risk or fear of prosecution. It gives them immunity from prosecution.

Everybody knows about Parliamentary Privilege. Everybody’s heard of it (except the doo-lally heid-cases in the Scottish Crown Office it would seem)! 

It’s an integral part of our democracy and is steeped in our law. 

Any 10 year old who’s ever seen an episode of PMQ’s on the telly can tell you that.

But unfortunately Scottish Procurator Fiscals in the Crown Office are not as intelligent as a 10 year old. They’re as thick as two short planks so don’t appear to be have been aware of the term 'Parliamentary Privilege'.

They are now!

Hilarious as it is to watch these so-called legal-eagle powerful justice supremos from the COPFS with their might and God-like authority squirm as everyone laughs at their oh-so-public humiliation by David Davis, the very fact that the COPFS may have actually believed - even for a moment - that they could go after a member of the UK Parliament for what he said in that Parliament just shows how totally out of touch and arrogant these idiots are.

I can just imagine the Lord Advocate surrounded by his bunch of misfit munchkin PF’s in some wee room inside an old dilapidated building in Edinburgh, slamming their fists on the table shouting out “How dare he” and “Does he know who we are”?

Well now you have your answer Mr Lord Advocate. 

Yes, David Davis knows exactly who you are. 

And so do I.

You’re a bunch of raggle-taggle misfits who’ve been scraped from the bottom of the legal barrel, given the title ‘PF Depute’ (which comes with slightly less prestige than the title ‘Deputy Dawg’), and have the charisma of the average Jeremy Kyle contestant...with a similar IQ to boot. 

That’s why you work for the Crown Office for salaries of £40k a year while the REAL solicitors out there are making £400k and upwards in private practice. 

You are so far down the food chain in legal talent and intellect you’re probably lucky the COPFS took you on. Beggars can’t be choosers and all that. 

Suffice to say, LA Law, you ain’t. 

So my question to the COPFS is a simple one. 

When you saw David Davis slating you on TV, did no one in your office think that it may be a good idea to have a wee check and see if you had any legal authority to go after him before you decided to throw a hissy fit and make your silly threats?

Surely someone who works in the Crown office must know a 10 year old who watches the telly that you could’ve texted on your Nokia 3310 and asked for advice?

Surely someone who works in the Crown Office knows how to bring up Google on your Blackberry and type in “THE LAW” and do a quick scan through the page 1 results?

Surely someone who works in the Crown Office owns a copy of ‘Law For Dummies’ (standard issue to ALL Scottish PF’s I would’ve thought)?.

I jest of course. 

We all know the COPFS knew fine well they had no legal jurisdiction whatsoever over David Davis and he was totally free to say anything he wanted about them in the UK Parliament.

Bottom line here is, the COPFS were just butt-hurt that he had a pop at them. Boo hoo hoo, fetch me a kleenex.

The REAL take away from this story is that these numpties in Scotlands Crown Office seem to have a misguided belief that they have some sort of high authority and are incredibly important people. They seem to believe that they wield immense power over anyone who dares to speak against them.

They don’t.

And this week they had this pointed out to them by David Davis in the most humiliating and public way.

It was embarrassing to watch. I was ashamed to be Scottish and associated with these Crown Office clowns.

Yesterday Scotland’s Lord Advocate and his motley crew of Procurator Fiscals discovered that no matter how far up their own rectums their heads may be, at some point someone smarter than them is going to come along and force those heads to come back down.

And when they do, not only do they make you look like complete and utter fools, you're completely covered from head to toe in your own excrement.

David Davis is a member of the British Parliament, a former Secretary of State, Minister of State, Party Chairman, and campaigner for civil liberties and a member of the Privy Council.

So the next time you, Lord Advocate, feel the need to try and take on an intelligent man like David Davis (or any other person who has more than the double-digit IQ of your average PF), you might want to pause for a moment…

..and take a couple of laxatives. 

The David Davis Interview Starts At 47 Minutes In