HM Inspectorate of Constabulary in Scotland (HMICS) took a wee look at them recently and, well, the SPA is pretty much sitting in the corner of the classroom with a dunce hat on its head.
In an absolutely damning report, HMICS say the SPA have "no clear vision, strategy or plan in place", little to no understanding of the steps required to achieve its aims, have made "limited progress" on structural issues, and are in a "conflict of interest" situation by being both a service provider to Police Scotland and a scrutiny body of Police Scotland.
This is bad.
But fear not my fellow concerned members of the Scottish public, SPA chairwoman Susan Deacon is on the case. Yes folks, Oor Suzie has stepped up to the plate and she's going to sort it all out for us.
"The SPA board is actively taking forward a range of work to progress improvements in the leadership and governance of policing" and "We are committed to continuing to work closely with a range of partners including the Scottish Government to accelerate the pace of change and improvement and to ensure that the authority is able to carry out its functions effectively as envisaged in the legislation."
Eh? What? What did she just say?
What a complete load of meaningless drivel! Unbelievably, in answer to the scathing criticism levelled at her and her motley crew of useless SPA cronies, Ms Deacon has effectively responded by saying, well, NOTHING. Her response is typical of the patronising empty-talk we always seem to hear from these types of people when their back's are against the wall. It's designed to sound thoughtful, informed and official, but in reality it's complete twaddle - just nonsensical gibberish from yet another typically overpaid and underworked public official.
It always amazes me how these charlatans continually get away with spouting this incoherent rubbish to the long-suffering Scottish public, somehow safe in the knowledge that we'll just swallow it all and nod politely in acceptance (after which, they hop right back on to their gravy train and continue with business as usual).
I suspect these useless jobsworths at the failed SPA probably know they'll never really be forced to clean up their act or do anything of any real worth. They'll shuffle a few people around of course, just to make it look as if they're doing something (which in reality is akin to re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic). But rest assured, as long as their snouts remain firmly in the trough they won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Even on those very rare occasion when one of them does get booted out the door, it's usually accompanied by an enormous golden handshake, more pension benefits than you can shake a stick at, and an already pre-arranged cushy job in another area of the public service business. Jobs for the boys and all that.
And so we, the public, yet again are left to pick up the debris (and the tab) for their mess and their failings.
Mind you, I do know someone who is delighted that the SPA is failing and is in complete chaos.
Oh, they absolutely LOVE to see the SPA falling apart at the seams. Because the SPA are the overseeing body who are supposed to hold Police Scotland to account.
So as long as the SPA is in turmoil, Police Scotland can continue to do whatever the hell they like without accountability.
And we all know how much Police Scotland just love it when they get to do whatever the hell they like without accountability.