Wednesday 16 October 2019

My Application For A Job At The SPA

OK, time for a wee bit of fun.

Yesterday I published an article highlighting the way in which the chair of the Scottish Police Authority (SPA) responded to scathing criticism from Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary in Scotland (HMICS).

In the article I ridiculed the SPA's Susan Deacon for the way she responded to HMICS. In particular, I called her out for her empty talk and blatant use of meaningless language.

Since then though, I've checked up on the kind of salaries that some of the top dogs in the SPA are currently pocketing for speaking a load of old tosh. And wow! £90,000 - £100,000 a year for talking rubbish all day long. Nice!

I reckon I could do that job just as well, and to prove it I've written the following open letter to the SPA asking for a job (using, of course, the type of language I know they understand and love so well).

I reckon I'll be perfect for the position.

Wish me luck!


Dear Sirs,

I would like to be considered for a post in the Scottish Police Authority's senior leadership team.

If successful, I can offer the SPA authoritatively parallel task error-free services with distinctively incept scalable resources and I would work tirelessly to holistically engage vertical total linkage while proactively driving public directed alignments.

While there is a clear need in the SPA to seamlessly architect stand-alone niches, I would intrinsically cloudify optimal data to synergistically enhance one-to-one imperatives.

Almost immediately upon taking up the position I believe I can competently leverage existing focused convergence while appropriately engaging intermandated metrics.

This will very rapidly lead to an assertive dissemination of customised areas of expertise which will monotonically disseminate internal and organic sourcing and energetically initiate open-source virtualisation.

Yours Faithfully

K Campbell
123 Craptalk Avenue


*NOTE - A special thanks and a big shout-out to the guys at "The Corporate B.S. Generator" ( for their wonderful online bullshit creation tool!