Friday 21 October 2016

Police Gobbledegook

The Scottish Police Authority (SPA) have appointed their first Director of Corporate Services, Strategy and Change.

His name is David Page and he will deliver transformational change across Police Scotland and lead the corporate functions which support and enable policing services to the public.

Eh? What?

I don't know about you, but I've just read that first paragraph again and, well, it reveals absolutely nothing about who this David Page fella is, what his job will be, and what he'll be doing. Nothing.

What a load of meaningless gobbledegook.

The most we can surmise from it all is that he's most probably some new non-entity who will be doing some new non-job for the SPA/Police Scotland (while pocketing £173,010 a year of our money for doing it).

However they have revealed a little tiny bit about his background.

He used to work in the financial services sector - with the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Mmmm. So, they've put a banker in to a senior SPA position, overseeing an already untrustworthy Police Scotland. 

What could possibly go wrong!

And just to continue with the plethora of nonsensical waffle and tosh, the chairman of the SPA Andrew Flanagan and Chief Constable Phil 'Gormless' have trotted out a further shopping list of non-phrases to welcome their presumably non-entity to his presumable non-job - including such gems as:

"completes a process of significant refresh and renewal of the Police Scotland leadership team"

"wealth of knowledge and experience of leading successful programmes"

"necessary leadership skills to adapt and transfer" 

"track record of achievement into the organisation"

"take stock of the leadership of policing"

"refresh to meet the wider challenges of changing demand"

"a strong blend of continuity"

"attributes to implement"

"organise and deliver our corporate and policing activities"

"achieve flexibility and sustainability"


"the right mix of insights"


You can just feel the public confidence (and interest) draining as we speak.

I'm surprised you managed to stop yawning long enough to even get to the end of this post.

If I didn't know any better I'd think they were trying to quietly parachute one of their friends and connections in to a job without the public really knowing too much about it...