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Extra, extra, read all about it...oh yay, oh yay, oh yay...
Listen up readers, I've got really explosive news that just can't wait.
It's exciting, it's controversial, it's scandalous, go on - shout it from the rooftops.
Police Scotland are investigating claims that an unnamed Labour councillor asked a developer for a £200,000 bung to ensure his planning application would get approved. When the developer refused to pay the crooked councillor the bribe, his planning permission application got 'delayed' so long that the project eventually fell through.
Hang on a minute, what am I doing? A councillor taking back-handers worth hundreds of thousands of pounds?
This isn't news - this is normal everyday business for our councillors.
Apologies. Move along now, nothing to see here...