Yes, you could try telephoning or writing to them and ask them to see common sense, but be warned - Stirling Park Sheriff Officer And Debt Collection Services prefer to deal in lies, threats, and shoddy practices than resolve issues with you.
So look out your cowboy boots, your stetson hat, and mosey on over to the O.K. Corral because it's almost high noon and Stirling Park claim they've got the Sheriff on their side y'all.
Let me hear a yeehaw...
OPEN LETTER TO STIRLING PARK DEBT COLLECTORS
Mr ---- --------------
Further to my telephone call to Martin from the collections department last week, not only is the alleged debt you refer to incorrect and in dispute, it is also unrecoverable as Mr ---------- is currently in a nursing home with dementia. I'm appalled at the ferocity with which Stirling Park Debt Collectors attempt to pursue the most vulnerable people in our society.
I foolishly believed that by calling you and pointing out your mistakes (yes, mistakes is plural - you've made more than one error), disputing the debt (yet again), and explaining the situation, that you would somehow allow common sense to prevail. However I was not aware that Glasgow City Council and Stirling Park Debt Collectors were completely deficient in the common sense department.
During my phone call with Martin from the collections department last week (in which his arrogance was quite breathtaking although I certainly gave as good as I got), he boasted of the immense powers he possesses. I must admit I didn't believe him at all at first but I've checked my legal position and I am now much clearer on where we all stand regarding this matter. My legal adviser has seen this all before and views you as being nothing more than one half of a scam operation where you and Glasgow City Council both attempt to profit from other peoples misery. The way it works is Glasgow City Council act as judge and jury on parking tickets and then send Stirling Park in as their rottweilers to do the dirty work for them. Your only real purpose is to help keep Glasgow City Council an arms length away from any bad publicity when they get tickets wrong and pursue the wrong people. You both profit healthily from this "arrangement" though.
I see it as Glasgow City Council being ring master in a chaotic circus while Stirling Park are the clowns they send in. This is giving me sleepless nights as I have a phobia about clowns after seeing the Batman movie (the Michael Keaton one, not the later one with Val Kilmer - that one was just rubbish). I keep having recurring nightmares in which Jack Nicholson is looking through my bedroom window at night dressed as the Joker. Clowns are not always funny you know.
Although I doubted him at first, it appears Martin from the collections department may indeed harness the immense powers that he claims. I was worried. Is it possible that Martin could even possess superhuman powers too? It certainly sounded like that from the way he spoke. However I watched Superman, the movie, and, despite the trailer claiming that after watching the film I would "believe a man could fly", it all seemed a bit far fetched if you ask me. I mean, Krypton isn't even a planet - I know that because I check my stars in the horoscope page of the Daily Record every day (I'm a Virgo by the way).
I don't think Martin from the collections department has superpowers at all although I've never met him so have no idea if he wears his pants outside his trousers. By the way, do Stirling Park Debt Collectors work for Blockbuster Video as well? The reason I ask is I rented both the Superman and Batman movies from Blockbuster the day before they went bust and haven't returned them. That's not technically theft is it? Should I be worried?
Martin from the collections department informed me that he would be freezing Mr ----------'s bank account.
In these recession hit times I thought it was only the bankers with their million pound bonuses who robbed members of the public. But if Stirling Park agents feel inclined to throw pillowcases marked "swag" over their shoulders, wear black & white striped t-shirts, pull stockings over their heads, and climb in to a couple of MkII Jaguars before heading over to Mr ----------'s bank with some plastic toy pistols, then that is of course their prerogative. If you're short of stockings to pull over your head please let me know as I have a pair of nice black lace ones in my bedside drawer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a secret cross-dresser, it's just that the missus found them on the back seat of my car last week and it was the only explanation I could think of at the time.
Oh, by the way, did I mention that Mr ---------- doesn't have a bank account?
Martin from the collections department also informed me that he would be arresting Mr ----------'s wages.
The last time Mr ---------- worked was around 30 years ago (before he retired due to ill health). When I visited him in his nursing home last week I found him trying to open the handle of a locked door (it was locked because he is in a secure dementia unit). One of the nurses commented "He's got his work cut out for him if he thinks he's going to get that door open" so it would appear that Martin from the collections department may be right after all and Mr ---------- may indeed be gainfully employed. I'm not sure how much the nursing home pay him for going around trying door handles all day but I'm sure Martin from the collections department with his immense power will use his authority to investigate in to Mr ----------'s secret job and arrest those earnings.
Martin from the collections department further informed me that he would be seizing Mr ----------'s car.
Now I'm pretty sure the last car Mr ---------- owned was a Ford Granada back in the 1980's, just before he retired with ill health. It wasn't just one of your common old entry-level Granadas either. No, this one was the Granada "Ghia" with the metallic paint, velour seats, and a built in radio-cassette in the dash. I remember the aerial went up automatically when you switched the radio on. That car was way ahead of it's time. To annoy dad, I used to insist he put on my Barry Manilow cassette because I knew how much he hated Barry Manilow. He got his own back though when the Granada's tape player chewed my Barry Manilow cassette and I spent 3 hours with a pencil trying to wind the tape back in to the cassette. Oh how we laughed. Still, shame on Ford for putting cheap cassette players in their automobiles - this was supposed to be the top-of-the-range "Ghia" model for goodness sake! I've never bought a Ford since.
Anyway, perhaps I should remind you that I told Martin from the collections department during our telephone conversation last week that the vehicle at the centre of this alleged debt does not belong to Mr ---------- and never has.
Martin said he had been in contact with DVLA who confirmed to him that Mr ---------- was the owner of the vehicle at the time of the alleged offence. That's absolutely impossible. Please let me know if you've noticed any growth in the size of Martins nose in the last week and if it has surpassed Barry Manilow dimensions yet. Now that Martin from the collections department has been exposed as a liar, please let me know if Stirling Park propose to punish Martin by making him watch the Walt Disney movie "Pinocchio" on a loop? Telling lies is serious misconduct and I'm concerned you may try to let Martin away with just a reprimand with no strings attached.
Please inform Martin that if he seizes this vehicle, as he has said he will do, he will be taking away transport required for a disabled person. Is it legal for you to do that by the way?
When Martin from the collections department comes to seize the vehicle should I leave the disabled badge (which was clearly displayed on the windscreen when your good friend and warden colleague at Glasgow City Council ticketed it) or should I remove it before the tow truck gets here? Perhaps you can advise.
I'm not quite sure how that's possible as I don't remember being in court to give my objections before this exceptional attachment order was granted. I suspect Mr Manilows nose and a certain Walt Disney film may be involved again here. Martin did assure me that the exceptional attachment order has already been before a Sheriff, in a court of law, and that Sheriff made a decision to grant the exceptional attachment order. I find this hard to believe as a charge for payment hasn't even been delivered yet. Martin said I did not have any right to appear in front of the Sheriff to object to the exceptional attachment order or tell the court the truth about this case, nor do I have any right of appeal.
So in anticipation of Stirling Park breaking down the door and entering the property to seize Mr ----------'s assets, I asked mum (who will be 80 next month by the way so don't forget to send her a nice birthday card) to help me gather together any of dads old assets that may still be lying around for you. Sadly all we could find of value was an old leather belt he used to wear every day to hold up his flared trousers. I'm pretty sure it's real genuine leather because mum assures me he bought it for 100 pesetas in Benidorm in 1972 and that's in Spain. They're very well reknowned for their leather goods there you know. It's in really good condition except for a bit of fraying around that one single hole where he always pushed the pin on the buckle through. I'm not sure how much you'll get for it at auction or if it'll cover the disputed debt but, either way, I'll be happy to see it go as it brings back so many bad childhood memories for me. I remember dad used to take that belt off and threaten to hit me with it whenever I would run downstairs at night screaming that I could see Jack Nicholson dressed as the Joker at the bedroom window. He said I was just making up stories. J.K. Rowling makes up stories too - I often wonder if her dad had a belt?
That belt did help me to "man up" though, especially between my ballet lessons and flower arranging classes. While I was dreaming of one day dancing in Swan Lake most of my tough-guy peers wanted to join the police force. Many of them succeeded apart from a few who couldn't get in to the police because they lacked intelligence. Those guys are now traffic wardens and debt collectors. It's so hard for parents when their children disappoint isn't it?
Finally, Stirling Park Debt Collectors continue to call Mr ----------'s wife asking to speak to him. You must be really desperate to speak to him going by the amount of times you have called and the relentless pressure you have been putting on 79 year old Mrs ----------.
As it happens, I'm desperate to speak to Mr ---------- too, so if you do ever succeed in conversing with him will you please call me immediately. This is very important as I, and the rest of Mr ----------'s family, have had to experience the heartbreak of watching the soul and spirit of a father and husband disappear right in front of our eyes, bit by bit, day by day, through this horrible illness called dementia.
I would run to the ends of this earth and back if I could have just 5 minutes of proper conversation with my father again. I pray to God you never have to go through the trauma of having a family member with dementia yourself.
But if ever, in the future, one of your family members does happen to become inflicted with this heartbreaking illness, you may then just begin to understand why keeping a sense of humour in the face of adversary from ignorant bullies who have no common sense, no moral compass, and try to push their weight around terrorising a 79 year old woman over a parking ticket that should never have been written in the first place, is sometimes the only way to get through very difficult times....
Mr ---- ----------