Wednesday 27 February 2013

I Get The Last Laugh

Did you know that you can hire a professional mourner to cry at your funeral?

Admittedly it may cost you a few quid as you'd have to fly the mourner in from Taiwan, but it's a great idea and I think it will catch on here.

I'm definitely hiring her for my funeral.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on going anytime soon. Like everyone, I want to  go to heaven - just not today.

But what I DO want to do is prove all my enemies wrong who say no-one will be crying when I die...

Thursday 21 February 2013

How Much Is George Galloway Worth?

I don't normally pay much attention to George Galloway (unless he's putting the wind up a bunch of pompous American politicians in the US Senate, that is).

So why is Gorgeous George so in favour with me at the moment?

Simple. I just won a tenner on a bet because of him.

He was recently on TV and my friend and I bet each other how long it would take Gorgeous George to blurt out some obscure word that is not in common use in the English language to try and make himself sound cleverer than he really is.

I won.

Thanks Georgie boy.

I salute your indefatigability